Author Fighters Blooper Reel
by Phoenix of the Darkness
Summary: All the things the public was not meant to see. Oneshot, CRACK and possible slight OOC-ness. Rated for Language


_So, you think that everything goes right the first time? Yeah, right. The Authors are a prime example of how things take many, many tries to get it right…and they're also a prime example of the state of sanity._

DM emerged from his room. "Has anybody seen my pants?"

*static*

"Where's the Stone Tablet!" Drake asked.

"I'm not, telling you a thing!" Nukid spat. He looked to the side. "Wait, what are you doing?"

Yamazaru was walking off another direction. "I'm thirsty."

"What? You, you're supposed to be almost dead, you can't be off getting a coffee!" Nukid snapped.

"I don't want a coffee," Yamazaru said calmly. "I want tea."

"Dude! I just hit you with a Rokugan!" Nukid said, hands at his side. "Oldkid's supposed to yank out your heart in about fifteen seconds!"

"I don't care!" the Zodiac said stiffly. "All I want is for you to shut the hell up so I can get some damn tea, or I swear to God, I will--"

"Oh, going to tell on me to your God?" Nukid taunted.

"I'm staying out of this," Drake said, shaking his head.

*static*

Something crashed into the TV. It was a large, metal sphere of some sort, like a futuristic space ship. No Limit summoned his keyblade. "Maybe I can unlock it." He tapped the ship. Nothing happened. He tapped it again, and still nothing happened. "Uh, there's something wrong with this thing!"

TL's voice came from within the ship. "Wait, what? Why isn't it opening?!"

"You really need to get that thing fixed," Airnaruto said to No Limit.

"I've been in here, for three hours, and I need to get out!" TL said, panic creeping into his voice. "All I've had to eat it a box of sugar cubes, so I can streak out fast enough and scream 'Hello, New York!' I need something to drink, I need something to eat, and I need oxygen!"

"Calm down, Soul," X said. "We just need to find a crowbar."

"Calm down, calm down, great idea!" TL said, probably doing the exact opposite. "I'M PANICKING HERE!!!"

*static*

**What the Author Fighters SHOULD do:**

Drake went running across a parking lot as fast as he could, screaming. Two seconds later, every single Author Fighter, their solo teams, their triple author teams, and many of their allies came running after him, weapons drawn, screaming as well.

*static*

Loony spotted the Face walking around. "Wait, is that the arrow in the head gag? Dude, take that thing off, even I'm too mature for that."

"What arrow-in-the-head gag?" the Face queried. He leaned down, showing that there was nothing crossing the top of his head. He then proceeded to pull the arrow from his head, producing an odd squelching noise.

Loony took a step away. "This isn't funny, this is disgusting."

*static*

Phoenix fell to the ground, Omega standing over her. She looked up at him. "Why? Why are you doing this? WHY?!"

Omega shrugged. "Because I like to be NAUGHTY!"

One of Phoenix's eyes twitched. She stood up, and slugged him in the mouth. "Dude! I didn't base you off of Freaky Fred, OR Chrysallis! Don't. Say. Naughty. Ever. Again. Got it memorized!"

*static*

D-Dude looked up from his breakfast. "X? What are you doing with that video camera?"

"Just giving Phoenix something for that blooper reel, no worries."

At the other end of the table, Phoenix was reading the newspaper. Suddenly, her chair collapsed from beneath her, sending her milk all over her shirt. "What? How?" She looked up, and saw X, who was barely holding back laughter. "Why you! I'm gonna *beep* you *beep beep beep* your mother was a *beep beep* and *beep beep beep* in a magical castle far away where no one can hear you *beep beep beep beep* soup *beep beep beep* with a bucket of *beep beep* Republican *beep* Maile Flannigan *beep beep beep* Ranger24 *beep beep* and a stick of dynamite *beep beep beep beep* magical *beep beep* Abra Cadabra!"

D-Dude was in shock, his jaw on its way to the floor.

"Holy shit dude," X said in amazement.

*static*

_Are you still alive? *silence* I'll take that as a no. Well, it was fun anyways. And that's a wrap, let's go get pizza!_


End file.
